Sipping chocolate wine…wishing I could be…that coveted word…normal.
This is how normal people relax after a long day, right? This is how it works, right?
One sip. My vision gets fuzzy, warmth floods my cheeks. Is this normal?
Two sips. The stress of the world floats away…the memories of today blur into the red wine, gone into an abyss of my stomach…Am I normal yet?
Three sips. The conversation I had while working at the office today slowly drips by…at the office, I am Sadie, I am not ADHD, I am normal. I don’t know anything about ADHD when at the office. I don’t take medication, that must be a different person, popping pills while speeding to work. I’m normal, right?
“ADHD doesn’t impact people as much as they say it does. They are just lazy.” That sentence, that stupid sentence.
“My friend uses his ADHD as an advantage, he doesn’t let him impact his work. People just need to learn to work with their ADHD.”
Take a fourth sip. Maybe you’ll be able to control your tongue. Don’t spill it all, Sadie. He’ll just use you as an example. Smile, nod, walk away. You don’t have ADHD. You’re completely normal.
You’ve lost jobs because you simply mentioned your ADHD. You’ve lost so much. Don’t lost this gig, Sadie. Fifth sip. See? You’re normal.
“I don’t even think ADHD should be a real disorder…”
Bite tongue, red blood, red like the wine you’re drinking, take a sixth sip. Normal. Be Normal.
Seventh sip. Hangovers are all the rage. Blackouts mean your neurons are changing pathways…maybe you’ll wake up normal.
Maybe you’ll wake up…with the whisper of guilt and chocolate on your tongue…go to work, and be able to not be filled with rage. You’ll smile at the right moments, follow the directions given to you, you’ll know what to say when someone tries to make you look bad. People won’t make you look bad though. You won’t feel like you’re doing every single thing wrong. You won’t start bawling with anxiety every time you think you made a mistake. You won’t have to pull over when driving because you’re certain you’ve even messed up the simple task of driving. You won’t feel like a failure, you won’t be a failure. You’ll be normal.
Just a silly drunken wish.