My Book-Chapters 2 through 4

Chapter 2

Myrtle stirred out of bed. Sadie was outside, kicking the door. Another night where Sadie didn’t sleep, her dark little angel who became a demon during the night. The alarm clock flashed in Myrtle’s eyes. 12 AM. The power must have gone out. Judging by the dusky light, it was a cloudy 6 AM.

Myrtle threw on her robe and carried little 3 year old Sadie downstairs. “Sadie, what do you want for breakfast?”

“Banon.” Sadie curtly replied, then returned to chewing on her tattered yellow baby blanket which Myrtle just didn’t have the heart to take away.

Banon was how Sadie said banana. That wasn’t much of a surprise; it was all Sadie would eat. Myrtle peeled the banana, handing it to Sadie, who shoved the banana into her mouth. For a child who wouldn’t eat, Sadie certainly would inhale her food. Of course, she hadn’t eaten the night before, refusing the stew as it had onions, pork and was floating in “poopy” water.

Myrtle heard Mary stomping down the stairs. Myrtle open her mouth to remind her oldest daughter the boys were sleeping, but Mary spoke quicker. “SADIE! STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!” Mary screamed in tears.

Sadie didn’t react, instead was focused on peeling off the strings on her banana. “YOU BROKE MY FAVORITE DOLLIE! I HATE YOU!” Mary continued, now yelling right in Sadie’s face. Sadie calmly threw the banana strings at her sister.

Myrtle had enough. “Girls! Put on your cloths and go outside! I am done listening to this fighting, and your brothers are still asleep!”

Mary stomped her feet, but walked back up the stairs, Sadie following behind. Once upstairs, Mary’s face twisted as she whispered, “I’m going to go into your room and break your dolls.”

Sadie screamed, running into her room. “YOU CAN’T!” She taunted as she slammed the door in Mary’s face. A painful howl emerged from Sadie’s room, filling the quite farm with an eerie chill. Mary opened the door to find Sadie sobbing, blood dripping from her hand. Mary walked slowly towards Sadie, crunch…she lifted her foot to find Sadie’s thumbnail.

Myrtle ran up the stairs. “I didn’t do it mommy, promise!” Mary said.

“Mawy shlam door on thiger and huwt.” Sadie fussed. Mary slammed the door on Sadie’s finger. Myrtle reached around and smacked Mary. “You don’t treat your sister like that!”

Mary’s face crumbled, “Mommy, I didn’t. She slammed the door on her finger!”

Myrtle paused. Sadie had been lying recently. “I’m sorry, Mary. Please go to your room and get ready for the day.”

Myrtle bent down, her eyes level with Sadie’s dark, red eyes. “Sadie, we don’t lie. Liars don’t get presents. Let’s put a band aid on your booboo now.”

Sadie’s eyes were vacant until Myrtle pulled out the box of Band-Aids.

“SAW WARSTH!” Sadie bellowed gleefully. Star Wars was Sadie’s favorite. Sadie began to hum gleefully as Myrtle applied the bandage. The blood had stopped, but the skin was pink and raw. Myrtle shuddered as Sadie ran back to her room, slamming the door behind her. It was like Sadie couldn’t even remember the horrible pain she had just endured. How could a child so precocious be so forgetful?

Chapter 3

Sadie’s eyes flew open. Her ear was about to fall off. This pain…it was only rational that her ear was going to fall off. Sadie whispered that it hurt, but all which came out of her mouth was a scream. Sadie watched as her hands flew to her ear, tugging, pulling…Sadie began to cry, but it wasn’t because of the pain. It was because Sadie realized she had no control over her body. Sadie realized she had no control over what came out of her mouth. She could only sit there and watch. And she was alone, four years old and all alone.

She knew this already though. Sadie knew this when the bigger boys on the preschool playground pinned her down and poured sand into her eyes because she had accidently broken the classroom ant farm. She knew this when one of the same boys smashed her in the face with his backpack because she mentioned how Barney was for babies.

Sadie knew she was different and there was nothing she could do about it.

Chapter 4

Sadie proudly wore her Star Wars shirt to school. She was a kindergartener, and she was liked by all of the other girls. Her best friend sat next to her every day. Kelly Vong, Sadie’s best friend, Kelly and Sadie. Sadie was so proud of herself. She was able to tie her shoes all on her own, she didn’t wet the bed, and she could already read chapter books.

Sadie even rode the bus by herself. She got onto the bus, smiling at all of the big kids as she snuck towards the far back of the bus. Her Star Wars backpack clanked with Lego Lightsaber keychains. She straightened out her plaid skirt before sitting on the sticky vinyl seats. Sadie immediately began singing with the loud music. Sadie was happy, she was a big girl, and she was even sitting in the back of the bus where the big girls sat!

Mary, Luke, and Jared all looked at each other, flashing a look filled with both concern for Sadie and a bit of embarrassment for themselves. Why did they have to have a sister like her? Why couldn’t they just have a sister who was…normal? Or at the very least, why couldn’t they have had a sister who was quiet?

Luke slunk further into his seat. The kids already teased him because he was a little overweight, but since Sadie had started at Rockville Elementary, the kids made fun of him because he was the sibling of the crazy girl. He tried mumbling that she had ADHD, but the kids laughed. “George West has ADHD, and he doesn’t act like that.” They would retort.

George West was a small boy with just enough energy to always be buzzing around the classroom. It was true, he definitely had ADHD. Sadie clearly had ADHD as well, but she was so impulsive. Why was Sadie so impulsive? She always gave him a hug while at school, even though they never gave hugs at home. Luke closed his eyes. He already couldn’t wait for the day to be over.

Sadie Meyers, a girl in Luke’s grade, sat next to Sadie. “You can’t sit here, you stole my name!” Sadie blurted out.

Sadie Meyers rolled her eyes. “I was born first. And stop singing. You sound like a dying cow. Learn how to talk, retard.”

Sadie felt herself tearing up. She was trying to make a joke. Sadie looked out the window, noticing the big houses of Rockville. New houses were being built; people were already living in the frames. Sadie giggled to herself. People were living without a roof over their head, how silly. She started singing along with the music.

Sadie Meyers punched her in the arm. “Seriously? Shut up! You’re so annoying!”

Sadie didn’t react as Kelly was getting on the bus. “Kelly!” Sadie yelled excitedly as she stood up. Kelly looked at her once, her eyes rounded and cheeks flushed as she quickly sat in the front of the bus. The bus driver growled at Sadie and pointed down. Sadie paused for a moment. Oh, that was to sit. She immediately sat. Suddenly, the bus started ringing loudly. Sadie Meyers groaned loudly.

The bus driver pulled into the school, placed the bus into park and turned around. “Sadie, close your window.”

Sadie giggled, realizing her backpack had caught itself on the window alarm. She unwrapped her backpack, waiting to get off the bus. “Thank you, sir!” Sadie cheerfully remarked as she bounced off the bus.

The bus driver grumbled. There was little going for that Sadie Walsh child, much like the entire family. At least the rest of the family knew to be quiet. It was only the end of September and kids were already hitting the little Walsh child. Maybe they would teach her how to be normal.

Sadie’s favorite time of day was lunch. On Fridays, she got an ice cream for two quarters. Sometimes the nice lunch ladies would even give her an extra ice cream for free. Sadie had the looks of a neglected child as she never ate. It raised some concern at first; however the concerns were quickly vanquished when Sadie would repeatedly ask for peanut butter and jelly. It was clear she wouldn’t eat on her own choice.

Sadie sat down next to Kelly. Kelly scooted away from Sadie. “Why are you leaving, Kelly?” Sadie asked.

Kelly looked down into her soup. She really liked Sadie, but she didn’t like the kids laughing at her. They called her gay, explaining that meant she liked girls who dressed like boys. Kelly remembered hearing about the gays at her dad’s church. They would go to Hell. But Sadie wasn’t a bad girl, she wasn’t going to Hell. She didn’t dress like a boy; it was just her Star Wars shirt. Maybe if Kelly helped Sadie dress like a girl, no one would pick on her and Sadie wouldn’t even risk going to Hell.

“Because I can’t be seen with someone who dresses like a boy.” Kelly whispered.

Sadie’s eyes grew wider. “Who dresses like a boy?” Sadie pressed on.

“You do, Sadie.” Kelly remarked.

“What, how?”

“You wear boy shirts. That’s a boy shirt. Star Wars is for boys.”

“So?”

“So people think you want to be a boy.”

“That’s silly, I’m a girl. I have long hair and I’m wearing a skirt.”

“Well, yeah, but you wear Star Wars shirts and your backpack was made for…boys. Besides, some boys wear skirts when they play bagpipes.”

“Oh…but I like Star Wars.”

“You shouldn’t. Only boys can like Star Wars. And if you keep liking it, I won’t be able to be your friend anymore. Because that means you’re gay and you’ll go to Hell.”

Sadie’s sandwich seemed like mush. She couldn’t eat it anymore. She loved Star Wars, but she liked having Kelly as a friend. Did people really think she was a boy? Well, Sadie didn’t like Star Wars. She liked girl things, like Barbies and dollies. She wasn’t gay; she liked being a girl, even if she liked Star Wars. But maybe she would become gay if she continued liking Star Wars. Sadie didn’t know what Hell was; her parents didn’t go to church so she never would have known. Aunt Miranda brought her three older siblings to church for the Walsh parents, but Aunt Miranda had gotten into a car accident and died right before Sadie could have started going to church. Sadie hoped she would remember to ask Mary what Hell was. Mary was always talking about church. But Sadie didn’t want to be a boy. So that meant she couldn’t like Star Wars anymore.

When Sadie got home shortly after the whole conversation with Kelly happened, she ran into her room and lied on her bed. Sadie ripped off her shirt, ripping the collar in the process. She looked at the balled up shirt, wishing she hadn’t done ripped it, but she knew what she had to do next. Sadie balled up her little fists and began to scream while pounding at her bed which was covered in little rebel ships. “I…HATE…STAR…WARS!!!!”

Myrtle was working in her office when she heard Sadie screaming. Myrtle ran up the stairs, and sighed with relief. Sadie had finally gotten out of the Star Wars phase. It only took three years. That meant Myrtle could get rid of the Star Wars items that Sadie insisted on keeping. Myrtle’s two sons hated Star Wars, mostly due to Sadie constantly quoting and playing the movie. Myrtle pulled out an old pink comforter from the linen closet and handed it to Sadie.

Sadie ripped the old comforter off the bed, throwing it to the ground. Such typical behavior, it was a constant chase after Sadie to remind her to clean. Myrtle shook her head, balled up the blanket and began gathering all of the other Star Wars items before Sadie could throw them or break them. A perfect donation for the little thrift shop downtown.

Myrtle couldn’t help but think that she wished she could donate Sadie to the thrift shop, or better, exchange Sadie for a quieter, calmer, more attentive child.

First Few Chapters of Sadie Noelle’s New Book

Hey everyone! I finally did it. I started writing my book. Again. I will finish it this time though! I have the will to do so! I have the focus to complete it! Please tell me what you think of it so far!

DSM-5 Criteria for ADHD

People with ADHD show a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development:

Inattention: Six or more symptoms of inattention for children up to age 16, or five or more for adolescents 17 and older and adults; symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months, and they are inappropriate for developmental level:
Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities.
Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.
Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).
Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities.
Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).
Is often easily distracted
Is often forgetful in daily activities.
Hyperactivity and Impulsivity: Six or more symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity for children up to age 16, or five or more for adolescents 17 and older and adults; symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have been present for at least 6 months to an extent that is disruptive and inappropriate for the person’s developmental level:
Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet, or squirms in seat.
Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected.
Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may be limited to feeling restless).
Often unable to play or take part in leisure activities quietly.
Is often “on the go” acting as if “driven by a motor”.
Often talks excessively.
Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed.
Often has trouble waiting his/her turn.
Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games)
In addition, the following conditions must be met:

Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.
Several symptoms are present in two or more setting, (e.g., at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).
There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.
The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder. The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (e.g. Mood Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Dissociative Disorder, or a Personality Disorder).
Based on the types of symptoms, three kinds (presentations) of ADHD can occur:

Combined Presentation: if enough symptoms of both criteria inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity were present for the past 6 months

Predominantly Inattentive Presentation: if enough symptoms of inattention, but not hyperactivity-impulsivity, were present for the past six months

Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation: if enough symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity but not inattention were present for the past six months.

Because symptoms can change over time, the presentation may change over time as well.

ADHD in Adults

ADHD often lasts into adulthood. For more information about diagnosis and treatment throughout the lifespan, please visit the websites of the National Resource Center on ADHD and the National Institutes of Mental Health.

Reference American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013.

There are two sentences about ADHD in adults in the DSM. Two sentences to explain what I’m suppose to do with the remainder of my life. Two simple sentences to explain…me.

There’s just so much with ADHD though. It’s hard to write about because this disorder is so simple yet so complex. It is everything you think it is, and yet…it’s not anything you had thought. When you read this book, do so with an open mind. Know that not everyone is going to be the same as me, I am not the same as everyone else.

It is important to understand there are different types of ADHD. Some people are impulsive, some are hyper, some just can’t focus, and some were blessed with all three differences. It is also important to realize how I think of ADHD while reading this book. I think of ADHD in terms of an odometer on a dashboard. Instead of one odometer, imagine there are two. One is for hyperactivity and one is for inattention.

Normal people, neurotypical, however you want to refer to people without ADHD don’t speed. They sometimes have some of the symptoms of ADHD, but they don’t go past 50 MPH, or if they do, it is reined back to control. This works towards both gauges.

People with just inattentiveness-based ADHD have an opposite problem. Instead of the gauges staying around 50 MPH, the inattentive gauge can roll up past 60, 70, 80 MPH (or higher). The hyperactivity gauge seldom goes over 50 MPH. People who are solely hyperactive-based have the opposite gauge. People who are combined never slow down. 40 MPH is unknown to them. I know. I have two gauges going 100 MPH at all times.

Welcome to my bus. Sadie’s ADHD bus, welcome on! Next stop, well not stop, the next place we travel is to Sadie’s baby years.

Chapter 1

We begin in New England. Our setting is a small town. Due to details revealed within this book, I have chosen to have anonymity towards this. Therefore the town is fictional, but I assure you, it is based on truth.

Welcome to Rockville, Rhode Island, a small, rich community nestled ten miles away from the Atlantic ocean. If you look to the left, you will see a small brick school which houses 342 children, preschool through eighth grade. After eighth grade, students are shipped over to the next town for high school. Here is the pride of Rockville, our 150 year old church. We also have a parish house just past the library. And here is the town hall, with the small police and fire department. We have our pizza house on the right, and…that’s about all there is in Rockville.

We once had farms. Once upon a distant time.

And here we are, at Sadie’s house. It’s an old farmhouse surrounded by small Douglass Firs. The farm is surrounded by wispy fields in which the horses are allowed to run. Sadie’s siblings, three beautiful children with golden hair play with an old beaten wagon.

And here is Sadie. Watching Sadie. Waddling Sadie. Sweet, small Sadie, who didn’t learn to walk. She learned how to run, her chestnut hair and golden skin, a polar opposite of her siblings. Luke, the oldest of the siblings, picks Sadie up and puts her into the wagon and pulls.

Sadie screams. “OUT!”

Luke, thinking she is cheering him on, pulls, running into the fields, panting, the sharp grass cutting his legs. He whips the wagon, realizing it is suddenly light. Sadie sits at the top of the hill, eyes wide, tears rolling down her chubby cheeks. Luke runs towards Sadie, Sadie screams, runs up the hill, towards the house, down the dirt driveway, towards the busy street.

Jared, the second oldest at six, bolts towards Sadie, seeing her run, seeing her fearlessly, foolishly run into the busy road, cars rushing back from the beach. Jared grabs her, pulls her away from the road, carries her into the house. “MOM! Sadie ran into the road!”

Myrtle Walsh looks at her son. Myrtle came to America from Liverpool in 1979 for college and never went back. She didn’t have any plans to come back either. She sighs. “Again, Sadie?”

Myrtle worked with children while at college. She worked with the little disabled children, the ones without homes, the ones who would never have homes. She had seen this before. Low attention, low impulse control, always moving. In England, it was hardly talked about. It was a disorder, but it was seldom reported. But here in America, it seemed so common. And Sadie, she was always on the go. It seemed she never slept.

Sadie was a finicky child to begin with. She would talk, but it seemed she wasn’t talking to anyone. She was brilliant, two years old and already reading a few words, but she couldn’t count. Compared to her sister Mary, Sadie was far from the norm. She didn’t seem to understand when her siblings were annoyed with her, constantly wanting to be around, but unsure of how to fit in. She was also defiant, so defiant.

Myrtle closed her eyes as Sadie howled. Just four weeks ago, Sadie had gone in for major reconstructive surgery on her soft palette. Somehow, Sadie had tripped over one of the dining chairs, which was a common occurrence. There wasn’t much more Myrtle or her husband Steve could do than to gently remind Sadie not to run in the house. Whatever the couple said seemed to not register with Sadie. That was the case four weeks ago.

Somehow Sadie had gotten the wooden spoon Myrtle had used for serving mashed potatoes and had that in her mouth when she tripped, which in turn ripped up her throat. Myrtle never will forget the gurgling scream as blood pour out Sadie’s mouth and dripped out of her nose as her three siblings rallied around her, shouting that’s what she got for not listening while crying at the same time.

Sadie received surgery that night. The next morning when the nurse came in to do the 4 AM checks, Sadie got out of the bed, running down the hall, dancing and singing. She was nicely kicked out of the hospital quickly after that. It made sense. After all, Sadie was not resting on a wing where other patients were.

What was wrong with little Sadie Noelle Walsh?

So that’s the beginning. I need your help to continue though. Please tell me what you thought! If you hated it, please tell me! If you loved it, please tell me! If there’s a grammar or spelling problem, just let me know. I have an unique story, yet my story is the untold story of millions of people!

15 Things I Want You to Know About ADHD

1. Not every person born with ADHD is the same. It’s a condition of the brain which means there are going to to be similar symptoms, but also big differences. Think of it this way. Not everyone gets sick with a cold in the same exact way, even though it might be the same cold virus which makes them sick. So just because your husband has ADHD doesn’t mean you know how I learn, think, or act. And just because you read this list, doesn’t mean you know every person with ADHD and everything that ADHD does.

2. ADHD doesn’t stop in the classroom for most people. It’s a lifelong condition for a lot of people, and it changes throughout life. It’s something which impacts every part of my life. I may have trouble holding up conversations. I may have trouble getting to places on time. I may have trouble with tasks which are incredibly simple. I may not be able to watch a movie fully.

3. I outgrew my hyperactivity and I am lucky I did. Hyperactivity is a huge part of ADHD, but it isn’t mandatory for everyone to be that way. Just because I don’t have one of the symptoms of ADHD doesn’t mean I am not ADHD. Trust me, I’ve been tested and tested again. I am definitely ADHD. There are different kinds of ADHD though. Some people might be hyper, some people just simply can’t focus, and some people have a combination of both. See 1 if you have any more questions.

4. Sometimes my mouth moves before my brain fully knows what it’s going to say. I have been working on this my whole life, and I really struggle with it.  It is so important to look at the WHY I am saying something rather than the what I am saying. I usually have very good intentions, I just didn’t say it exactly how I wanted too.

5. I’m not stupid. I can’t say this enough. I am not stupid at all. Chances are, I am smarter than you. However, sometimes things don’t click immediately for me, or I miss key points in a conversation and I want clarification or to double check. Somethings I might have to review over again just to understand.

6. Remember Dory from Finding Nemo? I feel like her a lot. My Short Term Memory isn’t always the best. If you’re giving me a task, it’s best to break it down and to give me a list so I can see what I have to do. This will keep me from becoming overwhelmed. Oh, and it’s just my Short Term Memory really. I can remember other things perfectly, including conversations from years ago.

7. Sometimes I am going to be random when having a conversation. To me, it’s not random though, it makes perfect sense. While you are talking, I either am engaged in the conversation (rarely), trying to catch up with what I missed (usually), or making connections to what you are saying (all the time). For example, if we are talking about ADHD, and I bring up how I was bitten by a squirrel when I was 8, it actually makes sense to me. I am thinking about ADHD which then makes me think about the meme about ADHD and squirrels, and then about squirrels and previous experiences I had with them and how it’s funny. This is done in seconds. I’m not trying to change the conversation, I’m just trying to contribute.

8. I can be moody. It’s actually a part of ADHD. My brain doesn’t see it as moody though, it sees it as completely normal. I also don’t always realize I am being moody. Don’t be afraid to say something to me if you see this. I don’t mean to be that way.

9. I can be lazy, just like you. But most of the time I’m trying my hardest. If something is difficult for me, please try to help me. Sometimes it’s just something as silly as making a cue card for me to follow along. If I’m hesitant to start something, it’s usually not because I am being lazy, but rather I don’t know where to start, or I’m afraid I won’t do it correctly. Though not everyone may agree, I will take the help if it is simply offered.

10. I’m not good with time management. I really try, but it is hard to be at one place at a certain time. My brain doesn’t process time well at all. I can’t tell if a minute has passed or an hour. Personally, I thrive with schedules and timers. Some people can’t function if they are in a routine.

11. Please don’t tell me what causes my ADHD, or that it doesn’t exist. Some people may use their ADHD as an excuse, but I don’t. Also, ADHD does exist, and it does impact my life. I have tried the diets, I have changed my entire life around, I have tried every remedy in the book. Some helped, but only minutely. What does help are stimulants (at least for me). They calm me down, put the world to a speed which just makes sense. I don’t question it, but I know there is a difference when I take my medicine. This isn’t always the case from person to person though.

12. I can focus on video games and sit at the computer all day, but a book can take three weeks for me to read. Why? Some things just grab my brain. Other things don’t and I have to really try to focus. And it can be painful.

13. I’ve tried to be organized. I try my hardest at what I do. Sometimes my brain just forgets to organize or to completely finish something because I get distracted and completely forget what I am doing. And when I try to tell my brain to focus, it gets even more difficult for me to sit and finish what I am doing.

14. Sometimes simple tasks can be very overwhelming to me. There are times where I get anxious because I am overloaded by all the information which I am perceiving. Being at the supermarket when it is crowded is hard for me. Trying to focus in on one thing when people are having conversations around me is impossible. I just hear white noise.

15. I’m very impulsive. I have been working on my impulsivity my entire life. I have tried my hardest to change this, and it has gotten much better with time, but I still struggle with it. Unless you are going to offer me advice that I can actually apply, please don’t. I try to think before I do. Sometimes it doesn’t work that way. The whole think before you act advice does not work.

ADHD isn’t going to be the same in each person. Just because you met one person with ADHD doesn’t mean you know what it does or how it feels. Some people might have ADHD and think this list is not true at all. Others may be upset I didn’t put things which affect them. ADHD is more severe in some people than it is in others. I personally struggle socially. Some people don’t. I don’t have as much trouble with time management. Most people with ADHD do. Some people don’t have have any sensory issues. I do. When working with someone with ADHD, whether it be an employee, a co-worker, a student, or a friend, be understanding of their needs. Be firm and direct when giving direction. Be supportive and forgiving. And most importantly of all, get to know the people for who they are, don’t just label them as ADHD.

Book Review- Dark Places

SPOILERS!!!!

Gillian Flynn is amazing, but boy does she HATE women! She really does. In every book, the man is innocent in the end, but you begin to hate him or love him…I love her books. I really do. I LOVED Gone Girl. I was alright with Sharp Objects. I had some personal issues with it (how was she COVERED with scars? How did she get them even on her back?)

But, plot for this book is about Libby, who is really short and lives off money from her murdered family, who was murdered by her brother. She is older, and has run out of money. Instead of getting a job, as she is depressed (again, a theme which Flynn does amazing but I’ve already seen it once), she decides to basically sell off her family things to a group which is convinced her brother wasn’t guilty. Flynn does well with this, she conveys how jealous Libby was feeling.

Interestingly, she decides to find out if her brother is really guilty. I wish Flynn hadn’t focused as much on how she would be committing perjury if she revoked her claim. Clearly she wouldn’t have been. SHE WAS SEVEN. Instead, Flynn could have given more attention towards how Libby handled the visit. I felt sort of…incomplete.

Well, turns out Libby’s brother was guilty by association, and he was protecting the mother of his unborn child, who had murdered one of the kids, while a crazed insurance man messed up and murdered the rest of the family. Great plot, great twist.

Why was I bummed at the end? Because it just felt…rushed. Like it was a clean ending, but I wanted a little more on Dan (the brother). I wish she had given just a little more attention to the satanic rituals. I wish she had given a bit more on Dan in general, more like what prison was like, more about how he felt. I wish she had given more care towards Libby’s attachment issues. Yes, she does talk about this, but just not in the manner I had hoped for.

And I wasn’t sure how Libby felt at the end. It stated it, but I still felt…blah.

Great plotline, very complex, I loved the dynamics, loved the visuals of farm life. Overall, I enjoyed the book, but it left me feeling incomplete at the end, and not in the manner of which I would be thinking about it.

A Dream From Last Night…

Last night, I had a dream I had a pet baby owl and we were best friends. I nursed it to health. We ended up in my childhood home and I taught it how to fly.

I wish I was an artist so I could draw everyone a picture of the baby owl. It was very cute.

Everyone wanted to play with the owl. I stored her in a box so my dogs wouldn’t eat her.

But one of my dogs almost did, but she flew away from what was stressing her.

I wish I could just fly away from all the stress like an owl. It would make life much easier. When I meditate, I often pretend I am flying gently without a care.

However, she wasn’t able to see me again, because that would expose her to the stress of the hounds.

Sometimes the risk of pain is worth the cost of stress.

At the end of the day, I realized I want a pet owl.

Actually, I really don’t. They bite, poop, and are quite mean. Plus, it would keep me up at night…

A Little, Blue Pill

What is ADHD to me?

ADHD is a blessing yet also a curse. It has good and bad. And ADHD is different for everyone. I can only allude to some of the traits, I can’t explain what it is for someone who isn’t like me. ADHD. I remember when I was first told I had this when I was eight. My parents sat me down, explaining I wasn’t like the other kids, but I wasn’t very different from the other kids either. I felt alienated and confused. Sally had ADHD, she was liked by the classmates, they didn’t pick on her. Why was I getting beaten up daily? What was so different from me? ADHD isn’t the same in every child or adult. I get upset with one of my best friends who also has ADHD because she is so different from me…at first I thought she was making it all up. She wasn’t. She is definitely ADHD.

So what is ADHD to me?

It’s a small, blue pill. It’s a small blue pill with so many senses, so many flavors…what makes me different.

It’s the pill I had to swallow before lunch which really alienated me from my peers. I was sick. I was different.

But I am me.

I am the girl who puked at her first college party because of the smell of weed. I am the girl who should have been a drug dog because of how strong I can smell it.

I am the girl who couldn’t go into a grocery store because the shelves were an overload, the people darting was just too much.

I am the girl who was so smart, creepy smart, scary smart, yet wasn’t able to control what flew out of her mouth.

I am the girl who was so smart yet didn’t get why people thought she was strange.

I am the girl…the fighter, the angry one…

The girl you know is a sweetie yet…she did that?

ADHD makes my mouth move without any control from my brain. It makes me worry until I am sick. It makes me moody, and quick to react. ADHD makes it so I can sit on a couch all day without noticing time, yet if I am bored, time will stop. ADHD makes it so I can focus on one thing and finish it perfectly, yet…if I can’t do it perfectly, I will just give up. ADHD makes it so something which takes too long becomes rushed or I just don’t finish. But with that little, blue pill. It sometimes gets easier, to the point where you can feel normal…then you remember you aren’t.

Foolish mistakes. Misunderstood intentions. Feeling dumb. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like the world would be better without you.

Then it happens. Something just clicks and it all becomes easy, it all makes sense. The world screams forward, running, you are flying, you are so successful…then something cracks in you, and you sabotage yourself. You fall, crying, failing, misery. And you’re back to feeling…dumb. Alone. Failure. With just you and your little, blue pill.

ADHD is a little, blue pill.

“Just take this Sadie, so you can focus and sit still.”

It hurts though. How does it physically hurt to sit still? The world isn’t making sense, I can’t understand…I can’t learn. I need movement. I need to bounce. I need to pick. I need…

A little, blue pill.

“Look how tiny Sadie is!”

My growth was stunted because of my ADHD. I don’t eat because of my ADHD. I don’t sleep. I don’t think.

One more little, blue pill. One more, for the rest of your life.

Recent ANGER in the Field of Autism

So yesterday, I was snooping the Book and this HORRID post smacks me in the face. It is talking about how marijuana caused autism when injected. I WAS LIVID. I investigated further. Apparently, there are people who don’t have anything better to do than to troll ON AUTISM. Mom’s Against Autistic Children?

I get it. I can get making fun of stuff. I do it all the time. And yes, I do crack jokes about autism and my clients. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or hasn’t been in the field long enough. I make sure my clients KNOW I’m kidding and I obviously don’t pick on anything which they can’t control. They laugh with me. I have enough rapport to know the line.

But what are you trying to win when you do something like this? Are you saying autism is a joke, and the complex neuroscience isn’t the cause? Are you referring to the vaccine debate, which is still a debate (how???)? Are you referring to the people who use marijuana to help with autism?

Thus why it is SO important to make sure the point of your humor is understood. The creators of this page claimed to have autism. Whether that is true or not, it’s part of learning how to control and express yourself so others don’t get offended. Is it easy or is it a learning experience? It’s a learning experience. I did a little stalking and found out it may be possible they have autism, however they are hiding behind their disability. Yes, I know it’s hard. This is something I will cover in the next post though.

The point of this point is to show the importance of understanding. From what I saw, the person would post things which were offensive, then get upset when others remarked on the offensive nature. The person claimed they were a victim of bullying. And, in a manner, they were.

Did he deserve it? YES.

But did he FEEL like he deserved it? No. No, he really didn’t.

So acting out in the rage was not only a failure to him, but also a failure to yourself. It’s so important to know when a moment can be a learning opportunity for someone. This could be the moment for him. But using anger clearly wasn’t working, and was just escalating the situation.

Thus why it is imperative to use a manner in which he will actually listen. I speak from experience. I tune anger out. It scares me. I won’t listen to it.

Clearly, if one method isn’t working, then it is time to try a new method.

Do I get why parents were so upset? YES. This person managed to tackle many different areas which would inflict rage. I was ticked. I just waited though. I didn’t respond to it. I simply waited.

A Book Review- Othello

-SPOILER FREE-

OH GROAN. SHAKESPEARE.

One of my friends made me read Shakespeare. She said I would love reading Othello.

I was NOT thrilled. I’ve read Romeo and Juliet, King Richard III, Midsummer’s YAWN!

I just can’t get into it. I’m not a poetry person at ALL. In fact, I usually skip poetry when I come across it.

And what is Shakespeare but POETRY massed with BIG, UNUSED, words. Gag!

I’m sure I’ve already lost some huge Shakespeare fanatics. I’m sorry. He was a cool guy, LOVED him in the Doctor Who episode…err. I get when someone references him typically. And I’ve tried, and I tried again.

I hated Othello in the beginning. I gave up and read a plot line on Wikipedia and tried to use that to fool my friend. She caught me.

Ugh. So I sat down again, opened the book. And I was able to imagine it. I was able to picture what what happening. I started to get why people loved Shakespeare! Oh man, that was DEEP. I thought he was only popular thanks to old English teachers who were required to love him.

It’s a great love triangle. I don’t usually do the romantics. It’s alright, Shakespeare did a little romance but it wasn’t being shoved down my throat. It also goes into race, something I never really thought about being an issue. Honestly, I just didn’t think there would be that much communication between people to occur. I’m ignorant in that manner (I know slaves were a thing, I just didn’t think they could be freed and on their own/Moorish were also judged upon).

AND WHAT A SOCIOPATH Iago is! He’s hilarious, he really is. I don’t want to get too much into detail, but what he has people do…

I strongly recommend this book, of course, why would I write about it if I didn’t? Well, stay tuned. My next book review will be on Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. And that book…well, I was disappointed. Ish.

Yes, I binge-read. Yes I’m aware it’s a problem. No, I can’t quit.